Thinking Aloud - My Random Thoughts

A friend once told me that her mom does not want her to read romance novels because it can create such an ideal guy, an ideal relationship in a young girl’s mind. I knew then that it has some truth to it. But now I wonder whether it had such a great effect on me as romance novels make up most of my books at home. And I read my books not only once or twice but I take one out of my bookstand everytime I can’t seem to fall asleep (which is often).

I believe I am an idealist in a lot of ways even when it comes to relationships and I must admit it may be part of the reason why I have yet to find myself in a romantic relationship in this lifetime.
There are other reasons of course but I get tired of even thinking about them. I tend to overanalyze and think too much. Aside from the fact that I rather not discuss my non-existent lovelife.

Why does this post have the above title then? As I mentioned to a friend recently, I am not one of those people who just do not want to "clutter" their lives with a significant other or are too focused with their careers that they do not have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I have made a lot of excuses, I have heard the excuses of other people that I have tried to use as my own. But now I face up to the fact  that given a guy that I like and who likes me back (enough to tell me about it at least), I just may find myself in a romantic relationship. Sounds easy? How I wish.

I am a romantic at heart. I am not the mushy, cheesy type though or at least I do not want to think I am. But this blog entry was inspired by the love story of Jang Geum in the Korean TV series Jewel in the Palace. Unlike most TV series, JWP did not dwell on the love story but it was creatively intertwined with the plot, getting the spotlight only towards the end of the series. It is based on the story of a real historical figure who was the first and only woman to serve as head physician to the King in the rigidly hierarchical and male-dominated social structure of the Joseon Dynasty. But I think this is also one of the most heartwarming love stories I had ever known. It had the rich and poor theme (they do not belong to the same social strata and therefore should not be together) but it was not overly emphasized. You can feel that the story’s characters love each other even without the usual melodramatic dialogue with flashy declarations of love. I do not think they even shared a kiss throughout the series but how they treat each other was enough. The way their eyes light up, the way they smile when they see each other or remember a particular instance that they were together. We often hear the term "I will be there for you" but it need not be said between Jang Geum and Jung Ho Min because no cry of help was needed, they were simply there for each other, for the good and not so good times.

I admire the character of Jung Ho Min because even if his lady love seemed destined for greatness, he did not feel insecure. Neither did he consider her as a ‘trophy’.  He wanted her to succeed even if it meant they had to part ways. (I did not like that part too much though because I thought it was not necessary to sacrifice their relationship.)  I think that a man secure enough with his abilities and self worth will not feel threatened that "his" woman be regarded as "greater" than him. Besides, he can be proud of his own accomplishments and contributions to society.

Their love story was not without the "quotable quotes" though. I do not think I can quote them verbatim but its the meaning that counts. I tend to smile as I recall the scenes…

Jung Ho Min was giving Jang Geum the civil treatment (nagpapacute ata :))…

Jung Ho Min: Bakit ka nagpunta dito (sa tanggapan nya)?

Jang Geum: Kasi gusto ko sana sabihin sayo na iniintay ka na ng mga bata (Jung Ho Min offered to teach some kids in the hospital where Jang Geum works)…

Jung Ho Min: O sige, pupuntahan ko sila bukas. Yun lang ba? Nagpunta ka dito para lang dun?

Jang Geum: Ah… Oo.

Nung pumasok na si Jung Ho Min sa tanggapan…

Jang Geum (in a whisper): para rin sana makita kita…

A similar scene happened again soon after that and on the third time…

Jung Ho Min: Nagpunta ka ba dito para lang makita ang mga bata?

Jang Geum: Nagpunta ako para makita sila at… para makita ka na rin…

Jung Ho Min (in almost a shout): O… mahirap ba sabihin yun? Mahirap ba? (Tapos biglang tumawa…at natawa silang dalawa… hehehe…)

… They were fleeing the palace to start their lives together, away from the palace and the people and circumstances that hinder them from being together…

Jang Geum: Hindi ka ba natatakot o kinakabahan?

Jung Ho Min: Natatakot… natatakot ako na baka magising at malaman na panaginip lang pala ang lahat ng ito…

… then they were in the middle of nowhere looking for a place to stay (I think)…

Jang Geum: Hindi ka ba nagsisisi na dahil sa akin nahihirapan ka?

Jung Ho Min: Hindi… kasi ikaw ang dahilan

… when questioned by the king if she indeed loves Jung Ho Min (the king btw also likes Jang Geum), she replied yes (Jang Geum and Jung Ho Min haven’t said the words to each other at this point yet, if they even said it at all) and then realized that she could have put Jung Ho Min in danger…

Jang Geum (visibly worried): Tinanong ako ng hari kung mahal kita, sinabi ko ‘oo’… Nde ko ako nag-isip… Nde ko naisip kung ano ang maaaring mangyari sayo…

Jung Ho Min (slightly smiling): Pinaligaya mo ako sa mga sinabi mo… Hindi ako natatakot kung ano ang mangyayari sa akin ang mahalaga ang sinabi mo sa kanya…

Alright, alright… these may be cheesy (I hope no ones throws up hehehe) especially since it is in Tagalog but if you take into consideration the characters of Jung Ho Min and Jang Geum, it becomes endearing because it is totally unexpected and they do not act as if they are star-crossed lovers or people so ‘madly’ in love with each other.

So… do I hope to find my own Jung Ho Min? If it is possible, why not? But I am no Jang Geum and this is the 21st century. I am idealistic but I am grounded on reality as well. I just hope and pray I will be blessed with a wonderful love story as well. No need for a love will conquer all situation. No need for flashy declaration, a shout for all the world to hear. Love is in the little things, on how happy both of you are because you have each other and you are not stepping on other people or hurting them in the process.

A friend once asked me: ‘Is it your heart that does not want to compromise or is it your ego?’
My reply: ‘Good question… it is probably my ego and my ideals’

But now I think about it once more and realize that if my heart truly wants to compromise, it will allow my ego and my ideals to give way and relent…

So until that time, I will patiently wait…