Thinking Aloud - My Random Thoughts

I always thank God for everything I have right now. I thank Him for helping us get by day after day. I thank Him for life’s little luxuries. Most of all, I thank Him for always making me feel loved and blessed. Life is not all roses for me. People may think that I live a relatively easy life because that is how I would like to appear to them. This is not to say that I keep everything inside or that I am not being honest with people. Maybe that is how I cope. Maybe I am too proud. Maybe I would just like to keep things light. Or maybe that is just how I would like things to be. I would rather help them and emphatize with their problems than discuss mine. But I cry, I even feel hopeless and helpless sometimes. Insecurity sets in every now and then. When I celebrate Mass alone, I stay a while after the Mass to pray and in while in prayer, I cry. I find sanctuary in the Church, in the adoration chapel because I know God listens, He does not judge and that He will always understand. So I let the tears flow but I am determined to be strong. I tell myself that even if I am going through a tough time, this too shall pass and despite everything, I am still blessed. There are people who undergo much worse problems and situations. But I will not lie and say that I do not worry. I worry about what the future will bring. I worry about the outcome of decisions I made. I worry about the impressions people may have made about me. In fact, I worry even about the smallest things. But I continue to hope and in hope I find strength. I hope for better times. I hope for the fulfillment of my dreams. I hope to fall in love. I hope to be able to see more of the world. I hope, no matter how cliche, for a meaningful life. I hope and I continue to pray. I work for my family. I pray that I will be able to give them a comfortable life, that we will be able to enjoy the fruits of our labor, that my youngest sister will have things we used to enjoy and even more. I pray that I do not get disillusioned about life and people. I pray that I will have the grace to do what is right. I pray that I will continue to live by the values instilled in me. I pray that I always think with an open mind. I pray that I learn to emphatize more and judge less. I pray that in my own little way, I will make a difference, if not in the world then in the lives of people.