Thinking Aloud - My Random Thoughts

I came across a poem I wrote when I was in college. I smile and  yet wince a little as I read through it again. Then I ask myself just how much did my perspective change over two years? Why do I feel like I am less vulnerable, less "mushy", less "romantic" now? Has indifference set in? For some reason, I feel sad with this realization…

I am reminded of how it took form.  My friends and I were at UP CBA’s canteen, waiting for our Law on Contracts and Obligations class to begin. For lack of something to do, I just started to write at the back of my notebook. A few days after that, I had an 8 (or 9)-stanza poem. I still wonder what prompted me to write and how I managed to finish it. I think this is the only poem I wrote outside of class. I only shared this with my college barkada. Now, I share it with anyone who will take the time to read it.

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Is it you?

Why do I ask?

Am I tired of waiting

For songs of love to gain meaning?

Are these just pangs of loneliness?

But I have people around me

Can I miss what I don’t know?

Could someone tell me please

Is it you?

I long for a simple answer

Can I not see?

I wish for any means of recognition

Will I know soon?

Once more I hear nothing

Then let me ask again…

Is it you?

Is it you?

You whom I have not seen in a while

But whose messages always make me smile

Not a few people thought

A sweet couple, you and I

But “Age doesn’t matter” is a lie

For it mattered far too much

Too much for you and I

Is it you?

You who once showered me with attention

But who now seem to put me in oblivion

I wonder if you ever thought

That we can be right for each other

Call you names is what I do

To hide what I really feel for you

But this may prove to be a futile effort

Is it you?

You whom I gaze from afar

Smiling at the mere thought of you

Not knowing anything you do

You who broke my heart

With a single shake of your head

Your seemingly rebellious ways

I have grown to appreciate

Is it you?

You whom I have known for so long

You who offered me a song

I know I’ll never forget

The many times you saved me

Opportunities for us have been fleeting

Stopping each other from falling

Just the way its got to be

Is it you?

You whom I thought I’d never find

For years I had you in mind

There are lines we just can’t cross

Your feelings I never knew

Impressions are all I had of you

To forget had not been easy

But time has been kind

Is it you?

Is it any of you?

Or is it you?

You whom I have never seen

Will I be ready?

To give almost everything

To love without regret

You whom I have not found yet

The revelation of God’s plan for me…

Will it be soon?

Will it be you…?

I am 23. Single.

Why? Because I chose to be single.

Yes, I believe that it is a decision. A conscious decision to not be in a relationship.

No, it is not because there aren’t any "takers".

Yes, I still think about getting into a relationship.

No, I am not hoping for a fairy tale, a "happily ever after" will do.

Yes, I am heterosexual.

No, I am not looking for someone perfect.

Yes, I just recently realized what is it I am looking for. Take note, it is not WHO but WHAT.

No, he does not have to give in to my every whim. I am not looking for a genie nor a sick puppy.

Yes, I would like to be able to smile at the thought of him, look forward to seeing him, to hearing his voice.

No, I do not go for flashy declarations of love. Little acts of thoughtfulness and concern can mean a lot.

Yes, I am willing to wait.

No, it is not a priority at the present time.

Yes, I believe I will be with someone in God’s time through God’s will.

Finally, my own blog… Eventhough I think of writing my own blog whenever I  finish reading others’ blogs, I never really got down to actually writing one… until now…

But now I can’t make up my mind on what to write… And so the title "Random thoughts" seem appropriate… though cliche

And I always say I am not particularly fond of cliches… but I often contradict myself as I use them a lot…

The title "Random Thoughts" had been used a lot to describe articles of self expression… So it is obviously not a product of my creative mind but I use it nonetheless because it would aptly describe this blog entry and my future blog entries (if I continue with my present state of mind)

***By the way, this blog entry is a copy of another blog of mine. I decided that I might as well use the friendster blog because I find it more accessible. I edited the emoticons just so I do not not have to worry about being sued. hahaha.